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Fifth Grade Michelle

I've been thinking about fifth grade Michelle a lot. 



When I think about the peak of my insecure self, I think of fifth grade. I didn't feel pretty. I knew I wasn't popular. I wasn't athletic at all, so getting picked for kickball teams were always an adventure. I loved to sing, but I also knew there were others better than me. I wore glasses. I was lanky. I had plenty of zits. I didn't have a boyfriend. Quite honestly, I would have been okay being anyone but me. I remember wanting to be different, wishing I could change some of those things about me. Life was consumed with constantly comparing myself with others around me. 

Fast forward... I survived junior high, thank God. I even survived high school, got a high school sweetheart, and married him before he could change his mind in college. Junior high, high school and even being in the music school in college had many moments of comparing myself and feeling insecure. Something amazing happened though in 2008. 

In 2008, I was asked to lead worship for a prayer night while on a trip, and I immediately got scared. It was the same fear that came over me regarding every other thing in my life. I compared myself to others. I don't sound like this person, or I don't lead like that person. But then something happened. I felt like God showed me that we are like puzzle pieces. Every puzzle piece is different.  And if we all were the same, the beautiful puzzle wouldn't fit and work. Every person is unique and every person has differences, strengths, and abilities. 

I realized I didn't have to compare myself to anyone else. What a freedom came. I was free to be myself and embrace it, quirks and all. 

Since that night, it has been a glorious journey over the last 9 years. I have become so confident in who God created me to be. I know He made me different and unique. I'm thankful for how He made me and I appreciate the kaleidoscope of all the amazing people around me. There's times I still struggle, but oh what a difference this journey has made.

Listen. It's not just fifth graders that compare themselves to others. You could be watching your 4 year old child do it. You could watching your high school son or daughter do it. You may be in college doing it, or you could be a 65 year old person doing it. Here's the thing... unless you find freedom from that by having a reason to not compare yourself, you'll always do it. God made you unique. He made you as you. 

I've always loved this prayer....
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

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