I am a big
believer that the Holy Spirit will teach you in every situation of life if you
allow Him to. I've learned so much
in motherhood, that I feel like a different person than when I had my first
child 2 years ago. So here I am
again, learning again, in another situation. I am 39 weeks pregnant. I'm impatient, uncomfortable, and exhausted. I am extremely ready for my situation
to change. I am ready for labor
and the pain associated with it. I
am ready for a baby in my arms instead of inside me. And it's not that I hate
being pregnant. I love being
pregnant. But change is so close
that it is too close. Close enough
to physically prepare, to mentally be ready, but it feels far away simply
because it isn't happening yet.
The last few
days, God has really been speaking to me, or maybe I should say revealing
things to me about me in the area of waiting on the Lord. In the recent seasons of my life, I
have learned something about me. I
am very impatient. I do not like
to wait. Oh, yes, I have patient
days. But I also have days when I
am aggravated with a God who could snap his fingers and make something happen
and instead He makes me wait. Sure, I get it. There's purpose in the waiting. Purpose in the process. But when you're in an uncomfortable process, waiting for God
to break through, you are bound to have hard days - the kind of days where you
question if God really will break in and change your circumstance.
I also
recognize that we do our part with the Lord. We pray. We
hammer heaven. We continue to hold
fast and believe the promises that He is declared. But when it comes down to it, you have to be okay with the
knowledge that God is God and it isn't going to happen until He decides it will
happen.
That's where
the patience comes in... and another word - Submission. Patience to calm your own spirit in the
waiting, and submission to rest in the knowledge that God knows better than
you, that His timing is better than yours, and that even with our fears and
discomfort we will allow Him to have control.
I really do
not like waiting. And it's funny;
most 9-month pregnant women usually get to this point where they are ready to
have the baby. Sometimes before a transition in our lives, God will give us
discomfort and allow us to be in a "pressure cooker" so that we want
the change. Otherwise, those like
me who do not welcome change would never desire the change coming. God has His holy ways though.
Patience and
submission. Two things I so
desperately need. Probably in
every season I am walking through right now. Patience - so I can calm my crazy mind and be settled in the
waiting. Submission - so I can be
like Christ and say "nevertheless, not my will but yours be done."
Also - I am
not sure if I am encouraged or frustrated by the dreams (dreamed by me and by
others) that encourage me that change is coming in those seasons of life. It builds my faith on one hand, but on
another hand, it makes me think that change is right around the corner and I
end up frustrated that it doesn't happen in my thought timing. The same goes for the well-meant words
of friends or family who encourage that change is just around the corner. Is it? I felt that way a week ago or a
year ago. Oh, Lord give me
patience and make me submissive.
These are a
few of my thoughts, written as I keep moving to different positions to try to
get comfortable. (It isn't
working.) Here is the good news I do have though. Pregnancy is definitely temporary. Waiting for a baby seems
like forever, but eventually that baby will be out. And I know that I am close.
Waiting on
the Lord is only a temporary thing. His promises are true. He is not a man that He would lie. He is so faithful. Faithful to His promises, to His
people. Eventually His promises
are fulfilled and the awaited change comes.
So to quote
a fantastic song from Rachel Culver...
"So
from now, I'll keep trusting; I'll keep holding onto You. I'll believe the way You're leading me
is good."
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